Massa underwent therapy to overcome slump
Felipe Massa has admitted that he sought therapy to help him through the slump in from that has seen him post a string of dismal results, his last podium being over two years ago. The news came on the same day that it was revealed Mark Webber enlisted similar assistance in the form of a sports psychologist to help him in the aftermath of being comprehensively outpaced by Sebastian Vettel in 2011.
Well done Massa, so you're paying some knob to brainwash you into thinking you're good. Looks like it's working given you're averaging 2.5 points per race.
Oh piss off Fernando, you can't bully me anymore, my therapist is giving me techniques to recover my speed.
I'm sure we can get you some speed but you might end up failing a drugs test. By the way I've been paying somebody myself to brainwash some sense into you, he goes by the name of Rob Smedley. His mantra is "Fernando is faster than you".
Please Fernando, we must do all we can to help our brother Felipe. It hurts us that he had to enlist help from outside his Ferrari family, but we hope we can make things beautiful for him again.
Luca di Montezemolo
Silence mortals, let my words strike fear in your hearts like the volcano spits fire into the heavens. The court of Marnanello will permit no witch-doctors to affect our charioteers. The child Massa will suffice until one worthy to touch the fleece of the golden one Alonso is found.
Do not worry my Emperor, given the disgrace Felipe has brought the team it is clear that whatever doctor is helping him is about as competent as Conrad Murray.
Well Webber, true Aussie grit there, you're really maintaining the legacy of tough guys from Down Under, except you're more Jason Donovan than Alan Jones.
Not half Michael, Jonesie was almost as hard a bastard as myself, he had guts to spare, quite literally as it happens.
Fair dinkum guys, Seb was making me look like a flamin galah, I had to do something.
Frankly Mark, while enlisting the help of a sports pschologist is a very modern, and therefore "very Red Bull" thing to do, Adrian and I have discussed it and come to the conclusion that while this may be of benefit to the pilot of the sister car, it has actually had an adverse effect on perfect Seb's championship chances.
The quack told me I didn't have to be a number two Christian, and I've won twice as many races as Seb this year, and I'm ahead of him in the title race.
The extraneous influence of this psychologist may go some way to explaining the anomalous results this year which have seen our adversaries conspire to end our rightful dominance. In fact, Red Bull management have not ruled out the possibility that the psychologist has been planted by a rival team to derail Seb's title charge.
You might need some therapy for that paranoia yourself Horner. So my former teammate Massa, and the guy who could have replaced him, are both in therapy. Looks like we should start watching Dr. Phil to find the next Ferrari driver.
Actually Fernando, don't tell Christian but apart from the mental stuff I'm feeling a bit crook. I fell off me bike again last week, dinged my bloody brainstem so I get a bit lightheaded in fast corners.
Maybe you should have got a sports "cycle-ologist" Mark to keep you on your bike. Ha ha ha! Yes! That's what I am talking about. Yabba-dabba-dooooooooooooo!
These lads have gone a bit soft in head haven't they, all this psycho babble stuff is a waste of time, and worse, money. What these over-sensitive ponces really need is a good kick up the arse, sort them out in no time.
Controversial Jacques is going to stick his neck on the line and echo Bernie's comments. If all these guys are getting therapy we may possibly end up with a grid of pathetic cry-babies compared to the hard men of previous eras.
You'd know all about pathetic, and shaving your head doesn't make you a hard man you twat. Actually speaking of hard nuts, I heard your music has been put to use for inmates on Death Row in the States.
I have always believed in the redemptive power of my music Michael, I hope being exposed to my songs has helped those prisoners to rehabilitate themselves.
Not exactly... once they started piping your musical vomit into their cells they were all asking for "early release", so to speak. George Bush is thinking of nominating you for a special award for clearing the backlog.